Streetproofing your child from abduction

 

 

 

Shocking, high-profile kidnapping cases widely reported in the media keep the fear of abduction alive in every parent's mind. These frightening stories add to the perception that children are kidnapped and harmed by strangers on a regular basis. Parents naturally want to protect their children from these perceived dangers. But advice like "Don't talk to strangers" may not be the best strategy for keeping children safe.

 

Strangers are not usually the culprits

Despite the media attention, 'stereotypical' abductions, in which children are taken from their homes by complete strangers and kept for ransom or even murdered, are rare.  In 2003, there were only three such cases in all of Canada from among 7 million children under 18.

"The reality is that children have a much higher risk of being abducted, exploited, and abused by someone they know or have seen before," Terry Smith, co-ordinator of education and volunteer development for Child Find Ontario, told CBC Radio following a high-profile abduction in Toronto. In fact, many so-called kidnappings or 'stranger abductions' are actually the work of an estranged parent, other family members, friends, neighbours, or people the child sees every day - in other words, people that children do not necessarily consider strangers.

What's more, as the authors of a report published in Pediatrics observe, "Use of an 'appropriate stranger' such as a police officer or a store clerk or manager may be of great assistance to a lost child."

 

Most missing children are teen runaways

The majority of missing-children cases are not kidnappings at all. In Canada in 2007, 60,582 missing children reports were filed; over three-quarters of these were runaways, usually teenagers, and most of these had a history of running away more than once. Most of the others were classed as "unknown." Of the rest, 285 cases were parental abductions, and 56 cases were classed as "stranger abductions".

As for who goes missing, and from where: older children, aged 14 to 17, are by far the most likely to go missing. This age group accounted for 82% of reports. Only 1.3% of missing-children reports involved children five and under. Fewer than 1% of reports involved children who went missing from a shopping mall, while on vacation, or from a place of work.

What this means is that focusing on threats from strangers can needlessly frighten children (and parents) without protecting them against real dangers.

"We see some kids who are very anxious because they've read or heard so much about kidnapping in the media or have heard about it from their friends at school," says Dr. Jennifer Coolbear, a psychologist with The Hospital for Sick Children's Suspected Child Abuse and Neglect (SCAN) Program. "We try to provide children with factual information based on their level of knowledge that counteracts the anxiety caused by these frightening stories."

 

Streetproofing against abductions

Although the risk of kidnapping is small, parents should still address these types of issues with their kids.

"Parents need to find a balance between providing children with enough information and strategies to help keep them safe, and not providing too much information that will frighten them and increase their level of anxiety," Dr. Coolbear says. What parents tell their children will depend very much on the child's age.

Safety information shoudn't be taught specifically as abduction safeguarding, with all its overtones of danger and threat. Streetproofing advice is sound for many other less threatening scenarios. It is also part of becoming independent. As a child adopts these skills, they should be praised for the acheivement. It is a sign they are growing up and becoming more responsible. This message lets the child go forward with skill and confidence rather than fear and avoidance.

Here are some safety tips to get the conversation started:

• Monitor young children closely when they are outside the home. "For very young children, close supervision is the most important thing parents can do to keep their children safe," Dr. Coolbear says. Before preschool age, children do not necessarily understand about safety and can act very impulsively. Do not allow children to wander off or play hide and seek in public places.

• Teach children five and older to memorize their name, address, and phone number, including area code, so that they can be identified if separated from their families.

• Teach older children numbers for contacting parents at home or at work.

• Make sure children know how to dial 911 or 0. Practice what to say in an emergency.

• Have a family secret code word for use if someone outside the family has to pick up the child from school or daycare.

• Keep recent photographs, updated at least every six months and taken from a variety of angles, of each child. School photographs are perfect for this purpose.

• Encourage children to trust their feelings. Teach them that they have the right to say "no," even to an adult, if something does not feel right.

• Listen to children and respect their feelings. Taking children seriously makes it more likely that they will share their concerns or feelings of unease. If your child does not want to be alone with someone, listen to them and find out why.

• Distinguish between known people such as family members and close family friends, familiar people who the child may have seen but does not really know, and strangers.

• Insist that children check with you before accepting a ride, a gift, or candy from anyone, even if they know the person.

• Role-play scenarios with their children. "Younger children have very concrete thinking," Dr. Coolbear says. "Just telling children what to do if they're approached by someone looking for help with a lost kitten may not get the message across - they may not make the connection to someone who approaches them looking for help finding a lost puppy." Instead, parents can help their children act out or role-play what they would do in a variety of different scenarios. For example, getting children to shout "no" to a parent in these role-play situations allows children to see that in certain situations it is permissible to say "no" to an adult, and that yelling and perhaps being rude to an adult are acceptable. Getting them to practice a loud yell can demonstrate what loud really means.

• Encourage children to travel in groups. Even older children should know they should always have a friend with them when going out, always tell an adult where they are going, and loudly say "no" if they feel threatened.

• Make sure children know where to go and whom to ask for help if they are lost or separated from their parents. This can include friends and neighbours, police officers, and staff and managers wearing name tags in stores and restaurants. If lost in a public place, teach your child to approach a mother with other children.

• Supervise children using the Internet, and agree on rules for contacting people their children meet online.

• Keep reinforcing safety messages as children get older: many children go missing at older ages.

• Promptly report any incidents to the police.