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  Runaways     

Runaways

In Canada, the majority of reported missing children are runaways. In most cases, these youth leave home for a short period of time generally over a disagreement with parents. They may stay with friends or extended family, and they may repeat this behaviour whenever disagreements arise. In other situations, youth may run away from serious family problems or situations where they feel as though running away is the only solution. While most runaways return home within a few days, a smaller number of youth may spend periods of time on the street, in shelters or other unfamiliar environments.

The reasons why youth run away are complex, but are generally associated with youth attempting to gain some control over their lives. For youth, seeking control and running away may be an attempt for increased independence, or perceived as the only way to avoid dealing with a poor decision they have made (such as posting pictures online, pregnancy, stealing, school issues, dating someone their parents would not approve of, etc.) at home, school or with peers. When youth run away their risk of victimization increases —risks may include exploitation, sexual assault, violence, theft, substance use issues (drug and alcohol), homelessness, and gang involvement.

The following sections provide important information for parents on what they can do if they fear their child is going to run, or if they have a child who has run away.

Immediate Steps

Make sure you inform the police of:

 

  • Any history of suicide attempts, talks about suicide or history of depression or other mental illness

  • Any medical condition that your child has that will require attention

 

Before you end the call make sure you have the following information:

 

  • An incident number

  • The name of the police officer taking the report

  • A phone number for follow up

  • Once you have an incident number, consider filling out the MissingKids.ca Initial Intake form to request additional support and assistance.

 

 

***Remember: It is important to work with the law enforcement officer in charge of the case, but you also have the right to actively search for your child.

Why Do Youth Run Away?

 

 

It is important to understand why youth run away and what factors increase the risk that a youth might run away. This section includes information on both youth- and family-related issues that increase an adolescent’s vulnerability towards running away, and is accompanied by prevention and intervention strategies to assist families.

 

 

Family Dynamics

 

Family is one of the most important influences on a youth’s life. Family can also, unfortunately, be one of the greatest causes of stress and upset in a teen’s life. Trouble with family can be overwhelming for youth, especially if they are already struggling with various issues that typically accompany adolescence.

Youth dealing with the following issues at home have an increased vulnerability towards running away:

 

  • A chaotic household environment

  • Physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse

  • Neglect (i.e. lack of food, clothing, shelter or safety)

  • A high level of family conflict (this may relate to one or both parents/siblings)

  • Domestic violence or a high level of conflict between parents

  • Parents who are rarely at home (i.e. they are not physically available to them)

  • Lack of emotional support from or connection with family (i.e. no one is emotionally available for the youth)

  • A perceived lack of acceptance or love

  • Major changes in family structure (e.g. divorce, remarriage, blending of families, etc.)

  • Parental vulnerabilities such as addiction and/or mental health issues

  • Parents engaged in anti-social and/or criminal activity

  • Financial difficulties

  • Trauma (i.e. the loss of a parent, or someone significant)

  • Refusal by family to accept youth’s sexual orientation, friendships or dating partner

  • Stresses resulting from moving to a new home or community

  • Unreasonable consequences at home, causing youth to want to avoid getting into trouble (i.e. because of pregnancy, school issues, staying out too late, etc.)

  • Placement in “out-of-home” care (e.g. extended family, foster family, group home, etc.)

 

Youth Issues

 

A youth’s decision to run away from home can be triggered by a number of factors. First and foremost, adolescence is a time when youth seek control and independence. Adolescence can be a very difficult time, and some youth struggle more than others. It is important to consider all issues a youth may be dealing with when determining how to offer them support.

Youth dealing with the following issues have an increased vulnerability with regard to running away:

 

  • High-risk peer group

  • Unhealthy dating relationships

  • Harmful online relationships

  • Difficulty making friends and/or being bullied at school

  • Mental health issues (i.e. anxiety, mood disorders, depression, bipolar)

  • Substance use issues (i.e. drugs, alcohol) and addictions issues

  • Gang issues

  • Academic or behavioural difficulty

  • Physical and/or sexual abuse (in the home or outside of the home)

  • Sexual orientation and transgender issues

  • Teen pregnancy

 

Youth in Care

 

Children in care, or “out-of-home” kids and youth are at a greater risk of running away. In addition to the typical reasons a child may run, children who have been placed in care may have lived in multiple placements and not have had the opportunity to develop a stable, secure relationship with a caregiver. Without a stable connection to a caregiver, there is an increased risk that a child will run away. When dealing with youth in care who are running away, there needs to be careful consideration around supports needed to increase their protection.

 

 

Signs That Your Child Might Run Away

 

Runaway children come from all backgrounds — from both urban and rural settings and from every socio-economic class. It is important to recognize the warning signs that your child might be exhibiting. Remember, thoughts of or plans to run away often start long before the child actually leaves. If the warning signs are recognized and acted upon, you may be able to prevent your child from becoming a runaway.

If you notice changes in your child’s typical behaviour, it is important to get actively involved.

 

Behaviours to be Aware of

 

 

***The following are behaviours that you will want to pay attention to:

  • You notice a change in your child’s typical mood or behaviour (i.e. they seem depressed, anxious, irritable, withdrawn and isolates themselves from family or friends).

  • There is an increase in rebellious and /or reckless behaviour and rule breaking (e.g. coming home late or not at all, drinking, fighting, lying and stealing, etc.).

  • Your child threatens to run away or talks about running away.

  • Your child spends excessive amounts of time online and it is interfering with other areas and responsibilities in their life.

  • Your child receives gifts or expensive items and you do not know where or who these gifts have come from.

  • Your child develops a “new” relationship with someone outside of their typical social network and you notice changes in their behaviour (e.g. increased rebelliousness, argumentative, dismissive, etc.).

  • You suspect your child may be sexually active and at risk of becoming pregnant, or you suspect your child may be pregnant.

  • Your child has problems in school, including skipping classes, a lack of interest in schoolwork, a sudden drop in grades, being suspended and/or facing an expulsion.

  • There are radical changes in your child’s appearance combined with any of the above changes.

  • Your child has become involved with gangs or has gang paraphernalia.

  • You notice signs of self-harming behaviour such as cutting, substance use issues, and promiscuity.

  • Your child begins to save money or keep belongings in a bag or backpack.

Preventing Your Child From Running Away

 

Identifying teens at risk of running away is a complex issue. Not every teen that experiences personal issues is at risk of running. While some runaways appear to be running from what they perceive to be an intolerable home situation, other runaways gravitate towards, what, for them, appears to be a more exciting lifestyle. These youth may not be thinking about the risks associated with their actions.

Sometimes youth may feel it is better to run away than to try to deal with their problems. It is important for parents to stay attuned to their child’s needs, to recognize openings for meaningful dialogue, and to access appropriate resources for assistance. Problems intensify for children or youth when they feel they are unable to talk to their parents - this may leave them feeling alone and overwhelmed.

There are things that you can do to help your child through these difficult times and help build their connection to the family rather than running away. Please see the above links.

 

 

Communicate with your child and stay connected

 

  • Listen and empathize with their worries, feelings and concerns.

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  • Help them label what they are feeling.

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  • Talk with your child honestly about their feelings and reasons for wanting to leave home.

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  • Explain to your child the real risks of running — outline the difficulties of finding shelter, clothing, and food, and the potential for harm.

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  • Tell your child what you would do if they ran away from home. Some youth may be deterred simply by gaining a better understanding of how running away might impact others. Most teens do not want the additional pressure of public attention or want to be embarrassed, which often happens when the police/media become involved.

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  • Tell your child how much you value and love them.

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  • Tell your child that you are committed to working through this difficult time.

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  • Make sure your child knows that your love and support for their well-being is unconditional.

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  • When upset it is easy to get stuck in the negative. Help your child see the bigger picture. Move them away from negative thinking such as “It is always going to be this way,” and “Nothing will ever change,” to more positive thinking such as “you had a bad day today, but you had a great day yesterday.” This will help move your child out of the moment and help them realize that things will eventually get better.

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  • If your child seems out of sorts, notice this out loud. Let your child know that they do not seem to be like their usual self and ask them if everything is okay. If they choose not to share with you, respect that, and let them know that you care and are available if they need you. Then listen openly, without showing signs of judgment.

What To Do If Your Child Has Runaway

It is important that parents do everything they possibly can to confirm that their child has run away (i.e. has the child told their friends, has the child left a note, has the child threatened to run in the past, or has the child indicated where they might go?). If you have reason to believe that your child has run away from home, some initial steps can be taken in order to locate them. Make attempts to reach out directly to your child and/or get in touch with friends and contacts of your child to determine if they have information. These efforts may help you locate your child and will be useful information for police.

 

If your child carries a cell phone, consider sending a text message instead of calling. Your child may not be willing to answer your call, but will still read a text message. A text message may offer an opportunity for you to share your concern with them while allowing them to maintain some control over the situation.

A runaway child is still a missing child.

 

 

 

 

Assess Your Situation and Determine How to Respond

 

There isn’t one correct way to go about searching for your runaway child. Every situation is different and will require a different response. You will need to take into consideration all of the details of your child’s disappearance; their motivation for running, their likely whereabouts, and any communication or contacts they may have made. There is a significant difference between a runaway child where nobody has any knowledge of their whereabouts, and a runaway child who is staying away from home but is in contact with friends or has been seen by others. Ask yourself the following questions: “What is the best way to get my child to come home?” and “What will the impact of my actions be?” If you feel your child is in a high-risk situation and is likely to be harmed, you need to contact the police as soon as possible.

There are a number of important factors that will influence the steps that you take to locate your child. Some key questions to consider are:

  • Does it appear that your child’s running away was spontaneous or planned?

  • What level of risk would you identify? (High risk meaning that the child is likely living on the streets, in an exploitative relationship, etc.; and low risk meaning that the child is likely staying at a known friends or relatives).

  • Has there been any recent contact or communication with anyone? Or, has no one heard anything?

  • Does your child have access to resources (e.g. money, food, shelter) and a network of people who might help them? Or, is your child completely without resources and isolated?

 

Depending on your child’s circumstances and whether or not there has been any communication or contact, you will need to take different approaches.

 

While it is concerning when a child runs away from home, we must remember that it is not that uncommon. Most children return within a couple of days and do not repeat this behaviour. Consider the best way to get the child home without overexposing them and prolonging or intensifying the crisis.

 

The automatic response of putting posters up all over a community and making every effort to publicize a runaway child’s disappearance is often no longer required. Technology has made it far easier for us to connect with one another, more so than ever before, but it also makes a larger impact with regard to exposing your child’s situation. Overexposure is a very real concern and could cause your child to stay away longer and, in fact, place them at higher risk of exploitation and manipulation.

When deciding how to best search for and bring home your runaway child ask yourself, “What are my avenues to reach out to them?”

 

  • Cell phone

  • Social networking pages

  • Friends and contacts

  • Having friends , cousins, and siblings reach out to them for you

  • Public outreach

  • Ask yourself: “What will work best for the situation, considering what I know about my child, where they have gone and who they are with?”

Working with Police

While the police may be a critical resource in the search for your runaway child it is important to know that their level of involvement may vary depending on a number of factors. In some cases, where level of risk to a runaway child is deemed to be high, police may have a very active and lead role in the search. However, in other cases, the role of the police may be more limited and will vary from police agency to police agency depending on policy and resources available. Once you have made a police report you will need to find out what action police are preparing to take in the search for your child. This information will help you better understand what is being done and what steps you will need to take.

 

What You Can Expect From Law Enforcement

 

Remember that in Canada, you do not have to wait to report your child missing.

Police will take your report and enter your child missing in the Canadian Police Information Centre (CPIC).

When you first contact the police, make sure you ask for the following information:

 

  • An incident number

  • The name of the officer taking the report

  • A phone number for follow up (ask if the case will be assigned to a specific investigator)

 

If you have difficulty making a report to the police, please contact MissingKids.ca immediately at 1-866-KID-TIPS.

Again, police response to runaway children cases may vary depending on their resources, internal policy, and current workloads and their assessment of risk.

The best tool that you have when engaging the police is your knowledge of your child. Providing accurate, current information about your child, their circumstances and any other helpful information will impact how police respond to your case.

 

Remember:

  • Once law enforcement is contacted, consider contacting MissingKids.ca or filling out the MissingKids.ca Initial Intake form if you wish to receive services.

  • MissingKids.ca can help you liaise with police services, and can advocate on your behalf to the police if needed.

  • It is absolutely critical that you are honest with police. They are a partner in helping locate your child and need to be aware of any circumstances surrounding the disappearance –regardless of how this will reflect on you or your family. If you are not honest with them, they may waste valuable time questioning the accuracy of your information. In order to ensure their cooperation, you must cooperate fully. No parent is perfect and what is important is having your child safely located.

  • When the police are actively investigating, consult with them on any search efforts you plan to make. They may have information that you are not aware of.

  • Build a relationship as quickly as possible with the lead investigator on your child’s case and/or work with a non-profit agency like MissingKids.ca, who can help you bridge this connection.

  • MissingKids.ca is here to assist you in the search for your missing child. Call or visit www.missingkids.ca for support.

If you come across a child or youth who is a runaway:

 

  • Call the local police.

  • Call MissingKids.ca at 1-866-KID-TIPS or report a tip/sighting here.

  • Check our Missing Children Database to see if you recognize the child from a missing report.

  • Get in touch with a child welfare agency in your community.

  • Search the phone book for community organizations that provide safe housing, shelter, food or clothing to those in need.

  • Do not take it upon yourself to provide a safe haven for the runaway child. Although the child may have valid reasons for leaving home it is important to allow the proper authorities to handle the situation.

  • If you have come across or know of someone who is harbouring runaway youth, call law enforcement immediately. This person may be harming and taking advantage of these vulnerable youth – not helping them.

Unfortunately there are individuals who can sense the vulnerability of runaway youth and may seek to exploit them. It is important that we do not allow this to happen, and support runaway children the best we can. We need to let these youth know that they are not alone, that there are people who care about them, and that they can get help.

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